[외국유머] Message from a neighbour, Horror movie (2021.02.28)

? Message from a neighbour

A man receives a message from a neighbour....

"Sorry sir
I am using your wife...
day and night...
When you are not present at home...
In fact , much more than you do.
I confess this now because
I am feeling very guilty .
Hope you will accept my sincere apologies."

The man fell down with a heart attack
and admitted to hospital.

The next day
he receives another message

"Sorry sir
spelling mistake ,
it's not your wife
but it's your wifi ".

??? Careful of autotext.
ㅋㅋㅋ

? Eighty-eight

A woman went to see her new doctor for a checkup. He turned out to be absolutely gorgeous!

He told her he was going to put his hand on her back and he wanted her to say "Eighty-eight."

"Eighty-eight," she purred.

"Good. Now I'm going to put my hand on your throat and I want you to again say Eighty-eight."

"Eighhty...eighhhhtttt."

"Fine. Now I'm going to put my hand on your chest and I want you one more time to say Eighty-eight."

"One, two, three, four, five......"

? Round to Your House

A man walks into a chemist(drugstore) and asks for a pack of condoms. As soon as he has paid for them, he starts laughing and walks out.

The next day, the same performance, with the man walking out laughing fit to bust.

The chemist thinks this odd and asks his assistant, that if the man returns, to follow him.

Sure enough, he comes into the store the next day, repeating his actions once more.

The assistant duly follows. Half an hour later, he returns.

"So did you follow him?"
"I did."
"And.. where did he go?"
"Round to your house..."

? Little boy's prediction

There was once a clairvoyant little boy, who could foresee the future. One night while saying his prayers, the little boy was heard to finish, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma, goodbye Grandpa." The next day his grandfather dropped dead of a heart attack.

A few weeks later, the little boy was praying, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, goodbye Grandma." The next day his poor grandmother was hit by a bus while crossing the street.

A month or so later, the little boy was praying and said, "God bless Mommy, goodbye Daddy." His father panicked. He had himself driven, very carefully and slowly, to work, by an armed guard in an armored security truck he hired.

He came home early, but very carefully. He was met at the front door by his wife, who said, "What do you think happened today, dear? The most awful thing -- the milkman dropped dead on the back porch."

? [윤희영의 News English] 유머 감각: Sense of humor

영화 속에서나 그러는 걸까. 서양인들 장점 중 하나는 극한 상황에서도(in spite of an extreme situation) 유머 감각을 잃지 않는다는 것이다.

유머가 없는 사람은 스프링 없는 마차와 같다고(be like a wagon without springs) 한다. 길 위의 자갈을 지날 때마다 덜컥거리니(be jolted by every pebble on the road) 피곤한 인생이 더욱 고단해진다(get more exhausted).

영국 간호사인 에일린 레메디오스(55)씨는 얼마 전 애지중지하던 자전거를 도둑맞았다(have her beloved bicycle stolen). 자전거를 타고 왕진 갔다가(pay a house call astride her bicycle), 환자 집 밖에 세워둔 것을 도난당했다(be swiped from outside a patient's house).

화가 치밀었다(fly into a rage). 값비싼 것이어서가 아니었다. 볼품없는 낡은 자전거(an old dowdyish bicycle)다. 하지만 절친한 친구(an alter ego)가 선물해준 것이어서 그 무엇보다 소중했다(be more precious than anything else to her). 마음을 진정시켰다(calm herself down). 누가 술에 취해 잠깐 빌려간 것이려니 생각하기로 했다.

자전거를 돌려달라고 부탁하는 쪽지를 썼다(write a note asking for her bike back). 도난당한 지점에서 가까운 가로등 기둥에 농담조의 그 쪽지를 붙여놓았다(leave the tongue-in-cheek note attached to a lamppost near the spot of the theft).

"부탁입니다. 자전거 돌려주세요. 사랑만 받아왔기 때문에 주인이 없으면 몹시 무서워해요(be frightened without its owner)."

이튿날 행여나 하는 생각으로 가봤다(go on the off chance). 큰 기대를 하지(have high hopes) 않았다. 그런데 거짓말같이(as if by magic) 제자리에 돌아와 있었다. 마음을 고쳐먹은 도둑의 사과 편지와 함께(along with a note of apology from the reformed thief) 새 자물쇠로 가로등 기둥에 묶여 있었다(be chained to the lamppost with a new lock). 열쇠는 환자 집 현관 매트 밑의 봉투에 넣어뒀다고(be left inside an envelope stuffed under the doormat) 했다.

"미안합니다. 잘못했습니다. 마음 고쳐먹은 도둑으로부터. 추신-자전거 학대하지(mistreat it) 않았습니다."

그녀는 다시 답장 쪽지를 붙여놓았다.

"자전거 빌려갔던 다정한 분께(To the sweet bike borrower). 정말 감사합니다. 저한테 돌아와서 기쁘다고 하면서(be delighted to be back with me) 말하네요. 즐거운 시간 보냈다고요(have a nice time)."

어린아이는 하루에 400번 정도 웃는다고(laugh about 400 times per day) 한다. 어른은 15번밖에 웃지 않는다. 385번의 웃음에는 무슨 일이 일어난 걸까.

[출처] 윤희영의 News English: 유머 감각 Sense of humor

/ 2021.02.28 편집 택